“Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?”
Hi my names Ali and I am a recovering “people pleaser”..
Sometimes I still get tested and find myself in “people pleasing moments.”
These are moments when I felt like I was forced to do something for another I didn’t want to do. Moments when I feared what others thought of me if I said no. Moments when my anxiety was heightened because I struggled to make a decision and trust myself.
These moments of fear used to drive my anxiety and sometimes still will test me.
The truth is anxiety is so multilayered, however, from a holistic psychology perspective, a large part of it is fear of what others will think when we say no, when we set boundaries, when we make decisions, what we say, and what we do.
We are wired to fear judgement. We are wired to put others before us especially when we have experiences that force us to “grow up” at younger ages.
What I’ve learned about “people pleasing” is even though it may feel safe in the moment, it is an act of abandoning ourselves and what we need and actually makes us feel worse after the fact. This is because we are actually giving away our personal power. So how do we avoid giving our power away after all?
1. Exercising courage by using our voices
This is when we communicating our boundaries or decisions from a place of power, and practice trusting ourselves to know how to make decisions that are right for US.
2. Giving ourselves permission to be honest
If it is causing you stress, be honest with yourself and the others in your life.
3. Take responsibility for your emotions
How you feel is how you feel and that is okay and normal. But, when we blame, compain and justify why others made you feel a certain way, not only does that keep you stuck but until you take responsibility for how YOU feel, you will continue to give your power away.
People don't know what you don't tell them so you can't get mad at them when they do something that upsets you. Once we know better we do better, it is up to us to practice communication with others if we want things to change.
Also, the first step towards any change is awareness and although very important, we still will be tested! We are all only human.
That being said, the test is not about others, the test is about our willingness to put ourselves first despite the uncomfortableness and potential fear.
When we recognize that reactions are really not about us anyways, it is easier for us to do this. Read more about this in my post about perception.
It is our responsibility to put ourselves first from a place of power, we’re the only ones who can after all.
Looking to put a stop to people pleasing and live life for you instead? Book a free call with me here.